12:53am

i can't sleep...i've been lying in bed hoping to for forty odd minutes and i can't...there is so much going through my head...it's like a thousand trains on a thousand tracks and they're all blowing their whistles at once...thoughts of my job...the search for another job...summer...people around me...those that aren't...it's a constant parade of things...it kind of reminds me of an avril lavigne album cover where she's standing still and everything else around her is a blur...that's how my head feels...everything is just pressing up on the front looking for a way out...

i wish i could use the one outlet i have more effectively...i've been trying to stimulate the writing process but everything is coming out the same...the music is better...but what i'm trying to say just sounds cliche...argh i just feel incredibly frustrated and the problem is is that i don't feel like i have much to be frustrated about...just one large frustration...but let's face it that's been there for a decade now...ha...sleep can not come fast enough...but nothing that we want usually does move at the speed with which we expect or desire...the candle is out but another is lit far off...i'll have to get closer to see if this one will extinguish as well...stupid brain...stupid outlet...

1:05 am