Not Knowing What to Say
So i've been told repeatedly that i need to update this...and i've sat there and i agree you're so bored right now that you're checking my blog...i might as well reward you with something to read adn think about...or sluff it off and move on to the next blog on your list...but what to say
Do i talk about the Songwriter's Competition on Saturday night which will be awesome...and i'm greatly looking forward to it...I have new stuff that i think will be really good...but then again i'm being really critical of my own work...cuz it's mine and i want it to be a representation of myself...cuz i can't sing a song that's hollow and meaningless...these songs are parts of me that i share with everyone else...if you give nothing you get nothing...fact of life
Do i talk about how i'm not looking forward to a summer with my family...not that i don't love them don't get me wrong...it's just that my family is drama all the time...constantly...i don't know how i got out of that house with my sanity...i'm not sure if did...maybe i didn't i don't know i miss them...i really do going to school 3000 miles away and why i did it is becoming a question to myself
Do i talk about how i have no desire to do what i feel i'm being called to do...scratch that very little desire i see that...i see that i can do a lot of good and that i'd be good at it...but do i deny myself and those around a greater good if i do what i really want to...those who can't do teach...if i'm teaching the Word of God what does that say about what i can't do...It's like answering a call that you never wanted to pick up at all...i have caller id...i see i don't want to but i do it anyways...why? cuz i have nothing else to do
Do i talk about the paranoid person i've become...what has happened that i can't take a person at her word...but everytime something happens that looks like it's heading away from me i have to ask...why can't i just have a little faith...that everything will work...why am i paranoid of losing something i had for a short time anyways...why have the words 'it's complicated' stir my stomach so...why can't we just be honest and stop hiding...what do we gain from that...less hurt...i say bullshit to that...i hide myself all the time and end up hurting...why
Do i talk about how i sit here and see nothing...when everyone else sees something bigger and grander than i do...a friend told me that one day i'm going to explode and let it all out...something i've often told people...but when he said he hoped he was there for it how do you say that there's nothing that will explode...i have no fuse
Well maybe i do have something to talk about...do you?
Song of the Moment: Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol
Thank you come again
Stay clean kids
Do i talk about the Songwriter's Competition on Saturday night which will be awesome...and i'm greatly looking forward to it...I have new stuff that i think will be really good...but then again i'm being really critical of my own work...cuz it's mine and i want it to be a representation of myself...cuz i can't sing a song that's hollow and meaningless...these songs are parts of me that i share with everyone else...if you give nothing you get nothing...fact of life
Do i talk about how i'm not looking forward to a summer with my family...not that i don't love them don't get me wrong...it's just that my family is drama all the time...constantly...i don't know how i got out of that house with my sanity...i'm not sure if did...maybe i didn't i don't know i miss them...i really do going to school 3000 miles away and why i did it is becoming a question to myself
Do i talk about how i have no desire to do what i feel i'm being called to do...scratch that very little desire i see that...i see that i can do a lot of good and that i'd be good at it...but do i deny myself and those around a greater good if i do what i really want to...those who can't do teach...if i'm teaching the Word of God what does that say about what i can't do...It's like answering a call that you never wanted to pick up at all...i have caller id...i see i don't want to but i do it anyways...why? cuz i have nothing else to do
Do i talk about the paranoid person i've become...what has happened that i can't take a person at her word...but everytime something happens that looks like it's heading away from me i have to ask...why can't i just have a little faith...that everything will work...why am i paranoid of losing something i had for a short time anyways...why have the words 'it's complicated' stir my stomach so...why can't we just be honest and stop hiding...what do we gain from that...less hurt...i say bullshit to that...i hide myself all the time and end up hurting...why
Do i talk about how i sit here and see nothing...when everyone else sees something bigger and grander than i do...a friend told me that one day i'm going to explode and let it all out...something i've often told people...but when he said he hoped he was there for it how do you say that there's nothing that will explode...i have no fuse
Well maybe i do have something to talk about...do you?
Song of the Moment: Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol
Thank you come again
Stay clean kids
posted by amateur&prose at 2:02 PM
3 Comments:
Oh Eric...I wish I had something grander and more intelligent to say other than that relationships that are summed up as 'its complicated' don't work because they are just that. Trust me, I've been there (and you know that). Please don't get yourself hurt!
Amber
Stick in there bud...you can do it. You're a strong boy (where have we heard something like that before? haha).
As for "it's complicated", I know what you're talking about...and no matter what you say on the outside, it's always ackward and even painful on the inside. Been there done that. But I got through it and am stronger for it. You will be someday too. There is an end to struggle - the ultimate being when we get to enjoy paradise and perfection on the other side of eternity.
As for what you're supposed to do? Take your time. There may not be any neon signs, but God will give you answers when you NEED them. Until then, enjoy the ride - don't rush it. Otherwise you end up at graduation wondering "what happened to the last 5 years?"
And no matter what you go through, remember that we are here for you as your friends...to listen to you vent, to give advice when appropriate, or to just get your mind off things. And more importantly, God's got you in the palm of His hands - He's got your back!
As for your fam and what you should do this summer...you already got my take on that...haha. But whatever happens, look for the positive in it - your family won't be around forever. Ok, now I'm giving you a novel...so goodbye!
Oh, and Ohio's gonna lose.
When there's nothing to say, that's often when it's time to do. I don't know if that helps at all, but that's what I thought as I read it over *shrugs*
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