Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Part One

i once bought 'the complex infrastructure of the female mind' a book by Relient K on the different types of girls...this book is for girls which i didn't know at the time of purchase...but i read it and throughout the entire book i put footnotes...having recently gotten it back from a friend i reread it...and laughed at the commentary made by 19 year old me...2 years ago never seemed like long...but when i read sounds like a completely different person...someone that's funnier then cuz he still had the angst

so i decided to do the same with my blog...i have lots of spare time so i started at the beginning...and i laughed the entire way through...this sounds like a completely different person then myself...and i started to ask myself have i changed for the better or for the worse...have i been a positive influence on my friends or have i been a thorn...have i been able to better myself or have i gone too far off my was easy going reading until i got to this past school year...not much was written but what was said still hurts...or is still a fresh wound...which by now should have gone...but i can't get past it

at the same time that i was writing in the relient k book i started the license plate start by seeing 000 then 111 and so on and so forth...and a pattern started...000 started the game on the way to the ABC youth retreat that friends and i were playing music for...that weekend started the 'maybe i want to do this for the rest of my life thought'...111 i saw on the way to picking up flowers for a past girlfriend...222 i saw in a movie 20 mins before being broken up with...333 i saw this past august when i was coming to school...and a saw it as a year of oppurtunity...cuz it was the first car i saw off the plane...444 i saw my grad day...555 i saw a couple mins after a friend asked me what i wanted from CREW and i said all i want is to find out what i want...i'm not a believer in predestination...but this game has been around for a lot of key moments in my life...and maybe it's all just been coincidence...but when i saw the 555 yesterday i immediately thought back the when isaw the other ones...and ir reminds of how i got here

in my athletic high school days i was a believer in the 'suffer in silence' policy...your ankle hurts you finish out your have a cramp you push harder...i've continued that motto into a lot of aspects of my life...and i'm finding it a damaging aspect when it comes to relationships...and i find myself a hypocrite when i tell people that they don't have to hide from me i'll always be there for them...and ask them to tell me the hardships that are going on in their lives...when i wouldn't open up to those people i'm sorry...for ever making you feel guilty for not talking to those relationships i've had...i'm sorry i never told you what was going on in my had every right to know...and it's because of that that i failed each and every one of deserved better

here ends part one

song of the moment: what hurts the most by rascal flatts
quote of the day: how much life is wasted in waiting?-professor oxely

thank you come again
stay clean kids


Anonymous Anonymous said...

how much life is wasted in waiting? lol good question. when's part two coming? hmmm? it's been foreeeeever since part one. uh huh :P

11:12 PM, July 03, 2008  

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