Having No Words
I haven't posted in 2 and a half months...i've sat down and typed things out before but in end they never get posted...the thoughts seem not even random but incoherent to myself...so why now? why decide now that i will type these words and leave them for you to read...i don't know but i felt it was about time...
the months have not been easy...it's been a rollercoaster for myself...not only with constantly having highs and lows but feelings of being pushed forward and pulled backwards...why does she do this to me...it's not easy with the uncertainty that life has become...i've usually been the optimist...don't worry you'll figure it out...you'll find something you're great at...you'll find someone...is it now all just a fairy tale?...
i read a play...you might be asking yourself 'Actually does school work?' and yes i did...i read 'waiting for godot' and one of the thoughts that came up in class was that it was a look at life...you constantly are sitting and waiting for something to happen...for someone to show up...but it never happens...and they never come...you stand in the same place day after day...and all you have is that person doing the same thing...that person to hold you up...
decisions need to be made then in the effort to not stand still...to become the thing that happens or the person that shows up...for someone else...but decisions to not come easy to those that do not embrace change...i'd much rather stay nice and warm in my shell then become exposed to the elements for fear of falling and getting hurt...maybe we should never have left the sweet comforts of the nest...maybe...
But we do and we walk on our own...in uncertain and uncharted lands...but it does not feel like an adventure...it feels frightening, dark, and bitter...maybe i should return to my shell...she won't get me there...
as i choose my song of the moment i scan my cd collection...trying to find that one song that best describes my state right now...it doesn't come right away...but as i look over the artists i find it
Song of the Moment: Misunderstood by Dream Theater...how do i feel abandoned even though the world surrounds me?
thank you come again
stay clean kids...screws fall out everyday the world's an imperfect place
the months have not been easy...it's been a rollercoaster for myself...not only with constantly having highs and lows but feelings of being pushed forward and pulled backwards...why does she do this to me...it's not easy with the uncertainty that life has become...i've usually been the optimist...don't worry you'll figure it out...you'll find something you're great at...you'll find someone...is it now all just a fairy tale?...
i read a play...you might be asking yourself 'Actually does school work?' and yes i did...i read 'waiting for godot' and one of the thoughts that came up in class was that it was a look at life...you constantly are sitting and waiting for something to happen...for someone to show up...but it never happens...and they never come...you stand in the same place day after day...and all you have is that person doing the same thing...that person to hold you up...
decisions need to be made then in the effort to not stand still...to become the thing that happens or the person that shows up...for someone else...but decisions to not come easy to those that do not embrace change...i'd much rather stay nice and warm in my shell then become exposed to the elements for fear of falling and getting hurt...maybe we should never have left the sweet comforts of the nest...maybe...
But we do and we walk on our own...in uncertain and uncharted lands...but it does not feel like an adventure...it feels frightening, dark, and bitter...maybe i should return to my shell...she won't get me there...
as i choose my song of the moment i scan my cd collection...trying to find that one song that best describes my state right now...it doesn't come right away...but as i look over the artists i find it
Song of the Moment: Misunderstood by Dream Theater...how do i feel abandoned even though the world surrounds me?
thank you come again
stay clean kids...screws fall out everyday the world's an imperfect place
posted by amateur&prose at 8:16 PM
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