12:53am

i can't sleep...i've been lying in bed hoping to for forty odd minutes and i can't...there is so much going through my head...it's like a thousand trains on a thousand tracks and they're all blowing their whistles at once...thoughts of my job...the search for another job...summer...people around me...those that aren't...it's a constant parade of things...it kind of reminds me of an avril lavigne album cover where she's standing still and everything else around her is a blur...that's how my head feels...everything is just pressing up on the front looking for a way out...

i wish i could use the one outlet i have more effectively...i've been trying to stimulate the writing process but everything is coming out the same...the music is better...but what i'm trying to say just sounds cliche...argh i just feel incredibly frustrated and the problem is is that i don't feel like i have much to be frustrated about...just one large frustration...but let's face it that's been there for a decade now...ha...sleep can not come fast enough...but nothing that we want usually does move at the speed with which we expect or desire...the candle is out but another is lit far off...i'll have to get closer to see if this one will extinguish as well...stupid brain...stupid outlet...

1:05 am

Sun Burn

we all love summer...summer is exciting and fun...we look forward to summer forever once Christmas is over...summer is awesome until one thing happens...

we get sunburned...this thing that we thought was so awesome has burned us...and yes the burn eventually goes away...but while you got it you know it hurts everytime you move...but the burn will go away and with it summer...but we know that the time will come when we yearn for summer again..only to be burned again lol...

but someday summer without a burn will come...i'm looking forward to that summer...but until that summer i'll get over my burn

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

and i hear your questions now...but eric Christmas was 3 months ago...your birthday isn't for another 9 months...and no it's not wedding season vince vaughn...IT'S MARCH MADNESS

for those of you that don't know what this is i'll try and explain...it's a 65 teamn college basketball single elimination tournament spanning the next 3 weekends...so basically it's christmas, your birthday, the pretty girl and chocolate cake wrapped into one, put on steroids and sent into overtime...that's pretty awesome...

i'm so excited i woke up 4 hours early and can't fall back to sleep...and the only team you need to know about is the Duke Blue Devils...

go DUKE!!!

between the candle and the dark

the candle is my light...what i'm drawn to like a moth...all flitting nearby sometimes getting too close that i burn...i fly away but always i want to stay close cuz the slight burn is worth staying close to the light...

the dark is the uncertainty in my head...the distance i sometimes feel between myself and the candle...sometimes getting lost in shadows...but in the distance sits the candle...flickering still

but as close as i try to get to the candle...i fear it may very well go out...and then i'll be plunged into darkness...and tumble down the rabbit hole...but as long as the candle is lit...i will be drawn towards it...and hopefully that candle will rid me of the darkness...if not rid myself of the darkness hold my hand through it...and i through it's dark points as well

Cat in a Box

alright so once upon a time was this guy called Erwin Schrodinger who came up with a what i'm going to call a dilemna...cuz what it's really called is a thought experiment to illustrate the copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics (thank you internet)...but the dilemna is this...a cat is in an enclosed box and poison is randomly released into the box...the dilemna is this...unless you open the box you have no way to conclude whether the cat is dead or alive...it's an unknown until such time that you open it...

and over the past couple days i've been mulling over my own box in my head...i have a box...it's a nice box...and my only problem is whether or not i open the box and see if that cat is alive or not...but i'm not a cat person so i'm going to change it to a dog...cuz if i opened it and the cat was dead no big thing...but if it's a dog...very sad...i hope it's alive...though i won't know til i open it

i gotta open the box...

talk to you tomorrow

that all started with a big bang...

i've now watched all of the first season of a new show to me 'the big bang theory'...so much of this show makes me laugh...the intelligent humour, awkward humour, the mixture of both...but the one part i think that suprised me the most...is how little i find myself relating to the characters...

yes there are certainly some aspects of the characters that i relate to...but in the end as much as they can make me laugh i can't see myself as being them...like it's such a high level of intelligence and awkwardness...the mix just feels weird...but i guess in the end that's what makes them so funny...

or maybe i'm wrong and i'm a part of nerdvana...

bang

talk to you tomorrow

one reason to not become a church worker

so over the last 3 days they've had a canada wide church workers retreat...at the end they had lots of extra food to send...and thankfully for my youth and family worker he said 'hey can i take it to eric's'...excellent call...i don't often say no to free food...so i'm going through all the stuff in the box and putting it in it's rightful place and then...

in the bottom of the box i pull out a small canister...of buttocks paste...for diaper rash...now i don't know what they do at these retreats...but this is just weird...like it's in with the food...and if it's not for food i don't even want to begin to imagine what's going on...

but now that i've had my good laugh with it i'm stashing it among my roommates stuff for a larger laugh later

talk to you tomorrow

that point

i hit that point...that's the point where you have no idea how to move forward...if you there is room to move forward...it's just a complete point of unknown...and i would like a little hint or clue or something to nudge me...but i know that you don't always get that stuff...you don't always get the nudges...life isn't always fastballs...it's not all right down the middle