Thursday, November 29, 2007

Where do you see yourself in the next 10 about the next you have an answer if you do then congratulations you are one of the few that has a clue...i can't tell you right now what is in my future

Is that weird to not'd think a plan would be in place...or a brief outline...and i guess that i have that but the question is how far off that outline am i going to long do i put off becoming a pastor before i just don't do it

All i can say is what i want...and i just want to be happy...which is a lot when you think about it...i want to be a dad...i want a family...i want to see my kids grow up...i can remember my dad turning to me in the car once on the way to basketball and saying 'everything i've done is so that you could grow up to live a better life then i had'...and all i want is what my dad had nothing more nothing less...give me a kid that's trouble like i am

where do i see myself...i don't all God's plan or is it my choices that get me where i am to be...if it is God's plan then why is it so painful...why is it so hard to figure it all the pain to teach us something...or is it that we screw up that we receive this pain...and if it's not God's plan can i say a little prayer to get a little help...all i want is a little assurance

Song of the Moment: Globes and Maps by Something Corporate...cuz hopefully this road leads me the one i was once on

Thank you come again
Stay Clean Kids...cuz no one knows what the future holds

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Life in Music

When I was born, they looked at me and said
what a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said,
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl.

At birth we're all the same...we are a endless possibility of promise...we can do no wrong...the world is our oyster

We've got these chains that hang around our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same,
when temptation calls, we just look away.

But soon these notions of right and wrong are placed upon us...and we are expected to take them at face value...we have no idea that we get to do it ourselves...take our own first steps without being forced into them...but we all have that moment of wanting to go forward but afraid of what the darkness holds for us

This name is the hairshirt I wear,
and this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair.
This song is the cross that I bear,
bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me,
be with me tonight,
I know that it isn't right, but be with me tonight.

All we want is to have someone there with us to bear it...ease our pain...and finding that someone is painful and is never easy but all we want is someone to be there when we cry so they can wipe our tears...and to be there to share our laughter

I go to school, I write exams,
if I pass, if I fail, if I drop out,
does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget 'cause it won't take much for me
to show my life ain't over yet.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange.
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change.
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
and everything around me stays the same.

School does not equip us to live our lives...our experiences are what enable us to go is just a good stomping ground for learning...and maybe some classes as well...we fall into ruts and we want to move forward but there again is the darkness laughing at us...cuz it knows our weaknesses

I couldn't tell you that I was wrong,
chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song.
I couldn't tell you that you were right,
so instead I looked in the mirror,
watched TV, laid awake all night.

we all make mistakes...some that we will regret for all of time...others we'll forget the next day...but these are things that have to be dealt with and moved doesn't wait for us while we're stuck in regret...i can't say what's easier...saying 'i'm sorry' or 'i forgive you'

We've got these chains, hang 'round our necks,
people want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath.
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same when temptation calls ...

Life is not meant to be watched it's meant to be lived...when life knocks you down you get back up and show you won't just take show life you you're willing to fight for what you want...and you keep going no matter how many times it knocks you down

When I was born, they looked at me and said;
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.
And when you were born, they looked at you and said;
what a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey

cuz in the end we're all the same...and looking for the same things

Song of the Moment: What a Good Boy by The Barenaked Ladies

Thank you come again
stay clean kids...thanks for still being here

Monday, November 26, 2007

the words that can't be said

i want to tell you everything will be alright...but i can't
i want to tell you that your friend's love and will always be here for you...but i can't
i want to try and put a smile back on your face...but i can't
i want to say so many things but the words won't come...and i can't

life is not a roller coaster...where you go up and down but stay on the tracks...there are no tracks...there is but one thing to stabilize yourself...and that's God...which sometimes doesn't feel like is like that demolition derby where you spin and lose vision because of the mud and just when you stop you get hit again and start spinning all over

i want to hold you...but i can't
I want to reassure you...but i can't
i want to wipe your eyes...but i can't
but i can't...but i can't

Thursday, November 22, 2007

80 some days...

I haven't posted here in 80 some days...why you might ask the reason is simple...i needed to make sure that my blog was no longer being read...or at least just checked as often as it once was...cuz the last few months have been hard and my mind has never stopped spinning as fast as it is still now...i needed an outlet and my guitar and this page is it...but what i'm going to talk about from here on in is me...the way my mind works what i think and all of that other good stuff that i try and keep to myself...cuz i laugh on the outside while on the inside is something completely different

i have a problem with relationship...i push them away i don't let them in...i don't want people to see me...cuz i've worked so hard for people to see the outside that everyone likes that i'm in constant fear that 'I' might come out...oh there have been glimpses and slip ups but never of 'me' all the time...i can only recall 2 where i haven't been afraid...and unfortunately for me i'm doing it now...and i'd almost be lying if i said i didn't want to be

they say that if people really are your friends they won't care and love you for who you are...but what if they don't like the person they see what if everything they have come to know is a lie and they want nothing to do with me...i've been trying to slowly open up and get past all this to certain people just to see...and it hasn't been bad but it hasn't exactly been reassuring either

i think that's enough for one back those that still live when hearts have grown cold and minds that still dream though weary and old

Song of the Moment: Nothing Special by IllScarlett

Thank you come again
stay clean kids...cuz the dirt on the outside is easy to get off