Freight Train

That's what it felt like today...getting hit by something and shook into oblivion...i woke up...showered...ate my alphabits...warmed up for recording and immediately after doing 30mins of back up vocals...and listening to myself in the playback...i decided i hate the sound of my own voice...listened to the 2 tracks on the album that i have lead and thought...i wish i could do it over...but looking back to when i did it...i felt amazing so i knew geting back in there wouldn't make it any better...it's just ugh...

so it was a bad start to a day...i've become an insomniac i guess for january...lil sleep every night...and today...a week after it ended it finally hit me...i'd been trying to not let it hit me til after recording but it came none the less...all at once...i had to get out of the house so i went for a walk in the rain...i thought stuff like that happened in movies but no it happens on Couver Island...

this hole has no filling...i feel like i could stick my arm through it...i can't play guitar worth a damn...my voice is now cracky and hoarse...constantly constrained...i don't know what i'm to do...it's not like i can go to bed and let sleep numb me...i can't sleep...sometimes i just wish i could just be at home and be around the people i love...but i realize that edmonton wouldn't be the best place for me right now cuz i'd be reminded of her by those around me...maybe i just really need to go on vacation...i haven't been on one in years...that would be nice...

song of the moment: If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask by Mayday Parade

thank you come again
stay clean kids...

Perfect Timing

I find myself thinking and focusing a great deal on my future...sometimes i wonder to myself did i just join CREW to give myself an extra year to try and figure it out...and i say no after a concert that we had tonight i know exactly why i'm here...but still i look to the future and it keeps me up at night...i can count the hours of sleep the past two nights on one hand...it hasn't been easy going leaving...i left a lot behind in Edmonton...i count that place as my home...and many of the people that i'm close with as my family...i miss my family greatly and wish to see them soon but i know that will not be the case...i must wait...but as i've learned sometimes waiting gives you exactly what you need...

when i was 7 i asked my mother for a guitar...she replied to me that all the big rockstars learn piano first...being 7 i believed her and learned piano...i learned soon after that this was just not true but i stuck with it cuz now i wanted to be the next Billy Joel or Elton John...i turned 16 and there i was on Christmas Eve my guitar...my first guitar...and you know learning to play that guitar was far easier once i learned piano first...

which reminds me that in life God does not work on my time or your time or anyone's time...He works in His time...and His time is perfect and will always set you straight...so now when i think to my future...i know that i don't have the answers but God will help me...in His time

Song of the Moment: If Ever I Should Falter

thank you come again
stay clean kids...for we do not know His time